Thursday, February 25, 2010

Oh, shit, that's right, I have a life

Funny thing is that I have a life, and a firm belief in lone-wolf style blogging. Otherwise, the co-conspirators would have been more than happy to have done the work for that week I was taking a real life vacation from my full time job.

Oh, fuck! I have a full time job, which means I have health insurance and paid vacation and sick days. Fucking A, my priorities must be all fucked up... you know, because I went on vacation.

Now, amusingly, there is a perfectly good list of front page repeats from last week or the week before — fuck, having a full time job that provides you with a paid vacation is FUCKING AWESOME! Yeah, anyway, somewhere in my email there's a list, but I'm going to skip it for the time being. Because, well, shit, I just got off vacation and my lazy ass doesn't feel like spending 20 minutes copying and pasting.

So, instead, I'm apparently just going to insult people, because really, that's what I feel like doing.

You see, when you keep showing me the same tired old shit by the same people, and I look, and I sneer, and perhaps roll my eyes, and think about what a narrow-minded insular group of jackass fucktards the etsy admins are, well, here's the thing: I've seen the fucking product.

So, it's focus group time:
It's either a painted rock or it's a pre-made ceramic item with a decal cooked onto it.
What the fuck? Seriously, etsy staff? Did you guys totally suck in whatever entry-level ceramics course you took way back when at summer art camp or what? Because, yes, I've seen the shebboDesigns ceramics on the front page repeatedly, and after a brief consultation with the council this is what the focus group has to say:
"I should hand wash this mug? Really, why, because if I throw it in the dishwasher then I will discover that the decal was either applied at such a low heat that it will flake off, or is of such low quality that it will literally fade from the bleach that comes standard in almost all non-douchebag-idiot-fuck-environmentalist ordinary old fucking cascade or electrosol or whatever the hell generic store brand dishwashing powder that normal people who don't spend $7.99 for the smallest amount of ounces of 7th generation throw in their dishwasher, you know, because they have jobs and better shit to do in this era of technology than to sit there and fucking handwash dishes.

What we're really saying is that what shebbodesigns is selling, if it isn't a painted rock, looks like mass-produced pre-glazed ceramic elements that were probably made in China, which have a decal or china paint baked onto them on a lowfire kiln setting. Because, you know, when you can buy the mugs already bisqued with a coat of glaze, then you don't refire them on a high-fire setting.

Really? There aren't like any ceramics artists on etsy? It's very important that my listing and selling fees pay your salaries so you can spend your time promoting decals that have been cooked onto mass produced mugs? Holy fuck, take a ceramics course.

Oh, and my other option is a painted rock. If I wanted a painted rock, logistically, wouldn't I find a brownie fundraiser or a church bazaar? What the fuck am I going to do with a painted rock? You know, I mean if I was bat-shit insane and lived like a fucking hoarder, then absolutely, by all means bring on the painted rocks! Or, you know, if I fucking had children, well, my children could paint me some motherfucking rocks. But really, you want to help someone sell me a fucking painted rock? Holy shit.

The next thing we'd like to offer you some focus group advice on is this Storque article
We're a varied bunch, but we all read this and collectively groaned.
First of all, what's the age cap? Do you realize, that unless you have a reputation for being that annoying fucking bat-shit insane vegan asshole who thumbs their nose at the rest of their co-workers (oh, fuck, we here all have jobs, we keep forgetting that our real world perspectives get in the way of all this fantasy-envirofuck fun) — there is no way in hell you could conceivably get away with wearing this shit anywhere?

For shits and giggles we all took turns.

birthday romper: am I 22 going on 55? Because this makes my tits look like they're in my fucking lap. I guess if I buttoned the jacket I could try to hide this monstrosity. But on what casual friday holiday could I stroll into the office with this get-up? Is it dress like a 1990's catalog hipster day? Because, I mean, really: cleavage with a romper with a jacket with black leggings with saddle shoes? Where the fuck do I work at? An ironic hipster factory? If I have to wear this to show that I'm green, well, then, fuck it. Someone get me some styrofoam boxes for the ozone layer.

Hoodie Wrap: It displays both the horror of being a hoodie, and the idiocy of being a wrap. Oh, and the sleeves are apparently 5 times too long. So, you know, I could wear this to the office and look like I was fashionably inept because the design is for some 20-something that doesn't fucking work at an office. If I strolled in wearing this, I would probably be pulled into the supervisor's office for an inquiry as to whether or not I was ill... Also, what if I'm fat? Seriously, wrap-anything looks terrible on fat people, let alone a wrap hoodie with asymmetrical placement of pocket.

strapless flannel dress:
Because nothing says "going green" like fabrics that contrast ridiculously with one another. Really flannel + strapless = WTF. Is this for when I miss winter in the middle of summer? Or because I have an ironic hipster dance to attend? Where do I wear this? And why does no one who sells clothing seem to own an iron? I can already hear my mother groaning.

supayana grey reconstructed top: First off, one of us actually works at a grocery store, and cannot imagine what the fuck the co-workers would be thinking if that person walked into work wearing a reconstructed top wherein an excess sleeve was used as a collar. The general feeling is that you would be sent home for inappropriate wardrobe. Do I have to be so impractical as an environmentalist that I have to wear clothing that would make ordinary people question my sanity? Do I recycle: sure. Do I occasionally buy things at Goodwill: sure. Is a shirt sleeve acceptable when used as a collar: no. Is the ribbed empire waist and the asymmetrical placement of pocket supped to add something to this monstrosity?

Alice's Dream: At first, like an idiot I said "lingerie?" But then I read that this was a "dress". Am I fucking Lady Gaga? To what occasion do I wear this "dress" in public? Yes, hello Grandma! Happy 77th Birthday! Awesomesauce! Thank God! I comes with a slip sewn in, you know, because really my guy friends should politely use their imaginations and creatively ponder my pubic grooming habits!

Wool SeaWeed Neck Garland Scarf Yellow:
This one was in the article just so that we could laugh at the title right? Again, if I wore this to work there would be inquiries about my sanity. The only suitable occasion we could invent for such a garment of such lengthy description (c'mon, it's both a GARLAND and a SCARF!!!): hoighty-toighty church. Because while I am an atheist, I am told that if I wore this to normal church, people would be looking at me funny. Or, I guess since it pulls apart, if I were to ever lose my "honor cord" from avant garde fashion school. This would be excellent for a back-up.

Organic Vegan Weekender:
The Savant says "osh-kosh-pagosh," and "I was so ten years too old for Osh Kosh Pagosh way back when it was in fashion, what's with all these shitty eighties color combinations? Is it because all the hipster doofuses of my generation already bought out all the good seventies crap that we have to move on to what is currently available?" Do I have to be kooky to be "green"?

sweet hat: I have long hair. Really long hair. I don't wear hats like this. I'm also not a flapper. And none of us can name a "flapper church" that we could wear this too. Other than a costume party, none of us could think of a single place to pragmatically wear such an article of clothing without presenting as some sort of hipster fucktard.

Herrinbone Harris No More:
1989 called, it wants it's bow fetish back. Seriously, herringbone and hot pink? I'm not sure even hoighty-toighty church would accept this one.

Gina Michelle Jigsaw Falling into Place: I'm being told that "my mother's McCall's patterns from the seventies called... you know, the ones you bought at my garage sale for 25¢ a pop. Anyway, they want their — holy shit this listing comes with a poem! — decade back." Again flannel? And no less "silk and flannel" — to what occasion do I wear this attire? Surely not the office, unless I want to get called in for the sanity check, again, or violating the "it must have sleeves" dress code.

Pretty Birdies Military Jacket: Only if I'm 22 and I don't know any better. Look, I recycle, but I'm too old for this crap, and this is looks like something I would be wearing to the ironic hipster fucktard equestrian something or other where there are no real horses but we talk about how terrible it is when they turn them into glue.

Eco-chic Ballet Flats in Purple: I'm not into cloth shoes, particularly the kind made out of canvas. Go kill me a cow and get me some fucking suede.

East Earrings in Bamboo:
okay, these are kind of cool, but I'm guessing I'm going to get one of those anonymous emails later about my patchouli perfume / deodorant.

As it turns out, the only thing in this article that was neither snarked or resulted in "meh" was the alice in wonderland necklace. Of course, then we clicked on it and saw that it was from Singapore. Eh, whatever. My lazy ass isn't forking that over for shipping.

It's funny, because with 1 or 2 exceptions, most of us recycle, and many of us are female, and under the age of 35. But none of this shit in this article appealed to any of us. We could all see who it was meant to appeal to, but in that we recognized that familiar stereotype, well, we all know what we think of that stereotype, and it's all negative.

We don't hate the earth, it's just that the vast majority of this shit is either crazy or completely impractical. And all of it is not our demographic.

We're tired of seeing hipster shit. Apparently we're ten years older than the rest of you and not enamored with your cause de jour, or your demographically stunted impractical items of your cause de jour. I'm an adult, an annoyingly responsible one with a job, friends, and a social life. And none of this shit works for me. And yet I recycle and craft and garden; like a normal person with a full time job.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

a special case: elinart

what a surprise to see your forest fungus on the front page today!

we remember reading this forum thread just two weeks ago:
you see "elinart" has another shop called ElinThomas, and using the ElinThomas username posted this:

I've just seen the most gross....

I've just seen the most gross shop ever. My jaw just dropped, I still can't believe it. Don't convo me about it please.

Just to say, seeing it has made me decide to leave Etsy, this place is really starting to stink! Just having my work on the same site as seedy trash makes me feel sick.

----- page 2
Well, I'm not going to call anyone out. I've closed my shop so please don't convo. Over-reaction?'s the straw that broke this camel's back. I've had enough, it's my choice, I don't expect anyone to follow suit.

-----page 9
Yes...I will be shutting my other shop, but I am working on a few custom orders at the moment so need to stay open.
So, since your shops are both open, then you were just fucking with all of us when you said you were closing up shop and leaving etsy?

Don't buy from unstable sellers like elinart a.k.a. ElinThomas

herding cats... PART 2

You see, we read the etsy forums. We do. And we tend to notice things. Sometimes it's deader than shit in there... and sometimes you're all posting the same damned things over and over. Now, unlike some people, we don't get all pissy about the 8 millionth person who has posted the same fucking question that has been posted a million times already. It is actually not that easy to search forum topics.

Now, what we had noticed, besides the front page repeats, was that there was something that had been missing from the forums... And the thing that was missing is the sort of thing that connects directly with front page repeats. What was missing were those goofy dumb threads where someone we've never seen post a god damned thing before comes on to the forums screaming with CAPITALS and exclamation points!!! in site help (where it actually doesn't belong) about how happy they are to make the front page.

No shit, motherfuckers.
What, did you jealous, no-FP-feature, heartless bastards hate those people?
(yes, that was sarcasm)
Sure, they're dopey, sappy, saccharine... but those are the kind of posts of utter happiness that make the place seem like it isn't filled with a bunch of self centered douchebags.

I don't see maclancy popping onto the forums everyday to thank the fuck out of etsy for the daily front page treasury features. Likewise, I don't see any of those threads by Seapinks, or thrush, or duende74, or slinkymalinkicat, or krize, or allencompanyinc. Now why is that? Is it because they're ungrateful bastards, they "know better", they expect front page features, they don't fucking care? It's happened so often that it is no longer in any way shape or form special to them? Apathy? Greed? Gluttony?

You know, the people that never get the front page treasury feature are all happy to be all greatful and teary-eyed and red in the face about it because they're just so tickled that someone finally came and looked at their shit. But the fuckers that the etsy staff works so hard off the dime of your listing and selling fees to constantly promote can't be bothered to show up with public displays of gratitude.

Amusing, no?

Probably about as humorous as herding cats. Oh, google the phrase, for fuck's sake.
Now, it has been pointed out by the council that we failed to properly harp on something to the necessary extent in the intial "herding cats" post.
Sold items in treasuries: don't do it.
Now, when I say: "you sent me a convo with the link to your treasury that you featured my item in, and I go there and click on shit and it comes up as sold" — I'm not referring to things that were sold yesterday, or that day. When I'm talking about don't put sold shit in your fucking treasury, I'm talking about things that seem to have been sold for days, a week, multiple weeks...

So, the problem solver says:
The curator is careless.
The curator is an idiot.
The curator didn't click on the items they copied from their list, favorites, or poster sketch.
The curator did click on the items they copied from their list, favorites, or poster sketch, but they left the sold items in there because...
The curator is careless.
The curator is an idiot.

OR... there are long since sold items in the curator's treasury because they copied the items out of their favorites, their list, or their poster sketch which they made a long damned time ago, but because it's so fucking hard to get a treasury that it's been sitting around on their desktop or in their cache forever, and they didn't even realize it.

So, is it that you guys are a bunch of dumbasses who won't click on the items that you put in your own treasuries to bother to see if they're available for sale? OR is it because it's actually so much harder to get to actually make a treasury than the forum assholes insist that it isn't (you know, if your priorities are in order)?

Likely, it's a smidge of the former and a whole hell of a lot of the latter. We're talking 10% curator is a dipshit who didn't click on their own picks, and 90% the curator complied the items for the list and then had to wait for weeks for the treasury to open at a time that was convenient for them.

What a broken fucking system.

For instance, right now Galit has two treasuries going with Lirola, MyMoms, and rafya in them:
Really? Because riorita has two treasuries with gaialai... one of which features Lirola and MyMoms, the other with galit, rafya, and TeaPartyHats (who is in one of the Galit treasuries).
Now, gaialai has a treasury which also features MyMoms, duende74, and rolyzcreations, where rafya is an alternate...

You know, because it's really important to always have 2 treasuries all the fucking time that feature exactly the same fucking group of people... while the rest of the peons on etsy with the wrong priorities can't snag a single fucking treasury. And when they finally do, it's weeks after they actually made the list, and they're so unfamiliar with the system that they don't know to click on their own treasury picks (like all the regulars do) to make sure that they're current, because, likely, some sanctimonious lying sack of shit forum asshole has told them that clicking on their own treasury picks is cheating or some such bullshit because it increases your number of clicks, and my god, you're a horrible person... why the fuck do you think anyone wants to look at your favorites? Man, it's probably inferior crap with shitty photos. You should go back to your craft room and hang yourself with some of that cheap tacky fucking silk garland flowers that we know you own, you low class peon. Leave the treasury making to the stay at home moms, and people with working spouses who have connected themselves to one another exclusively who are entitled to show everyone their favorites constantly because, fuck, those lazy and careless dipshits on etsy staff are willing to call them "tastemakers."

Here's a clue, Pat, they're not tastemakers. They're people who have the free time on their hands to manipulate the system to their benefit because the system is being run by a bunch of fucking idiots.

According to MaryMary, the etsy staff cannot figure out what constitutes a repeat.
A front page repeat is a seller who repeatedly appears on the front page treasury. How fucking hard was that?

Now apparently, the etsy staff have no ability to know who has been featured on the front page.
Now, you can choose to believe that. It reads as being pretty unbelievable. It reads as exceptionally unbelievable in light of the fact that the etsy staff have told us that to make the front page you need to have:
an exceptional product
exceptional photos

So, how does etsy staff see exceptional product with exceptional photos and somehow not have the ability to process or remember the username of the person who makes such exceptional shit? Does etsy only hire people with short term memory problems, or are all of you illiterate? Because, if I go to a retail site and see exceptional shit, I'm bound to either simply remember it or bother to take the time to jot the fucking info down (yes, literally by hand).

How am I supposed to believe that your staff actually spots exceptional stuff but cannot see that they keep featuring the same stuff by the same people. How am I supposed to believe that you are so perceptive when you act so imperceptive? How does one have such selective vision?

Unless, of course, this shit about "exceptional product and photos" is actually one big exceptional sham, which, pretty much is what it has to be at this point... and as it turns out, we take exception to exceptional shams, and in general, shit that doesn't work for everyone when you keep trying to feed us this bullshit about how we are such a community.

This line you troll out about "exceptional photos and products" is just empty misdirection. It means nothing. The only means that having the forums act like some retarded echo-chamber of this nonsense about "photo quality" is to send your non-featured, non-repeat, non-favorite members into a tailspin of false self doubt. It's one big it's not etsy, it's you; and that's bullshit. It's a broken system that a bunch of lazy motherfuckers won't fix.

There's likely nothing wrong with your photos, because really, this is a shitty photo
Yeah, it is. First off, the model is looking directly at the camera. That's actually a clothing seller's merchandising photo no-no. The dress is so much in the shadows that it blends right in with the dresser behind the photo. And the photo is actually blurry, which means that the trajectory of the shot vs. the setting on which it was shot were not in sync.

Your staff doesn't know shit about photo quality. There's nothing in any of their profiles that suggest they know jack shit about anything about the professional aspects of retail. So, seeing this same nonsense from them all the time is just insulting.

If you can't see how many times you feature the same people on the front page, how do expect me to believe that you can determine what is an exceptional photo? I need an explanation for your qualifications as it pertains to your inability to compile basic statistical information about your choices.

I don't have that, because you have failed to supply it, because being honest about how dishonest and biased you are isn't really something you want to admit.

That, and your system is broken, because everyone can't make a treasury, and because the same people always still have multiple treasuries. Until the whole thing stops acting like the echo chamber of exclusivity based solely on who has nothing better to do than sit on their ass for endless hours waiting for shit on the internet to expire, then etsy will never realize it's potential to truly act as THE place to buy and sell all things handmade.

You have the diversity of the world at your fingertips, but you're too lazy and childish to embrace it.

Utter etsy fail.

front page repeats...

Oh, we didn't forget.

front page repeats for Saturday 02-13-10
krize (regular repeat, multiple times every week for the last 3 weeks)
malam (regular repeat, twice in one day)
rabbitstop (regular repeat, this week + last week)
shecological (regular repeat, Treasury Mafia / treasury incest member)
shecological was one with fellow treasury incest members lisaburkin & decoratethediva!
sleepyking (regular repeat, this week + last week)
thrush (regular repeat, regular curator)
toybreaker (perennial repeat)
zygopsyche (twice in 1 day)

front page repeats for Sunday 02-14-10
duende74 (regular repeat, this week, last week)
eneeme (regular repeat)
seapinks (regular repeat, repeat curator)
sharonclancydesigns (regular repeat, Treasury Mafia / treasury incest member)
shebboDesign (regular repeat, TWICE on SUNDAY, god, there must not be any other ceramacists on etsy...)
shecological (regular repeat, Treasury Mafia / treasury incest member)
slinkymalinkicat (perennial repeat, last week, multiple every preceding week)
yaelfran (regular repeat)

front page repeats for Monday 02-15-10
allencompanyinc (regular repeat, multiple times every week...)
AwakenJournaling (regular repeat, this week, last week, the week before last)
man, could there possibly anyone else making journals on etsy? We see AwakenJournaling so often that there must not be anyone else...
duende74 (regular repeat, this week, last week)
eneeme (regular repeat, twice today)
likekittysville (regular repeat, multiple features in Storque articles)
maclancy (regular repeat, multiple times every week for the last 3 weeks)
poppyswickedgarden (regular repeat, you know, those fucking twitter tights)
shebboDesign (regular repeat)

since we've come to the conclusion that it's easier to copy and paste, we just dumped the last 3 days together for our own personal benefit...
allencompanyinc (regular repeat, multiple times every week...)
AwakenJournaling (regular repeat, this week, last week, the week before last)
duende74 (regular repeat, this week, last week)
eneeme (regular repeat)
GollyBard (perennial repeat, multiple times per week for the last 3 weeks)
krize (regular repeat, multiple times every week for the last 3 weeks)
likekittysville (regular repeat, multiple features in Storque articles)
maclancy (regular repeat, multiple times every week for the last 3 weeks)
malam (regular repeat, twice in one day)
poppyswickedgarden (regular repeat, you know, those fucking twitter tights)
rabbitstop (regular repeat, this week + last week)
seapinks (regular repeat, repeat curator)
sharonclancydesigns (regular repeat, Treasury Mafia / treasury incest member)
shebboDesign (regular repeat)
shecological (regular repeat, Treasury Mafia / treasury incest member)
sleepyking (regular repeat, this week + last week)
slinkymalinkicat (perennial repeat, last week, multiple every preceding week)
thrush (regular repeat, regular curator)
toybreaker (perennial repeat)
yaelfran (regular repeat)
zygopsyche (twice in 1 day)

likekittysville elicits her own special game from us. Every time we see an $80.00 cat perch we laugh sarcastically and think back to likekittyville's very revealing featured seller interview:

How do you promote your work?

Ugh. I hate that part. I have an imaginary press kit. Word-of-mouth has been good to me, so I try to foster that goodwill by using creative recycled packaging for kitty bed shipments, check-and-double-check communication, and oversize biz cards.

By word of mouth you mean the paid (through all of our listing and selling fees) etsy employee who spends their time promoting your fucking cat perches in Storque articles, etsy finds, the gift guides, and on the front page, right? Because if you don't then we're going to go get a shovel and dig a whole in the ground, and then pull your pants down and take a shot and ask you if you can tell the difference between those two. We're guessing that you can't. But, wow, someone on the etsy staff loves their cat.

Ask yourselves: why can etsy do so very much for maclancy, sharonclancydesigns, shebboDesigns, and the rest of the front page repeats in regards to the free front page exposure at the behest of employees who are paid through your listing fees, but what have they done for you lately?

There are more than 40 sellers on etsy. Do Not Patronize front page repeats. Don't buy from them. Don't put them in your treasuries. Don't enable the unprofessional etsy employees to continue to put them on the front page with your shop name credited as responsible. Favoritism is an unfair business practice. Do Not Patronize front page favorites.

perennial etsy fuck up, favoritism, repeats and other unsavory behavior that erodes the trust of your member community.
"etsy suck" on every level of social commerce.

Monday, February 15, 2010

herding cats...

a deep dark journey through the mind-fuck of the etsy treasury.
(this is a long one, hey, we warned you)

Making treasuries: a special case

Most of our recent posts have centered around issues that stem from the treasury. So, we'd like to cover some ground.
Someone (in some forum thread) asked "why bother to make a treasury?"
There is no short answer. But there are a panoply of interconnected reasons. It's relatively free (we'll let you decide whether or not you account for your personal time). It's a free feature on etsy, why not use it? To show other people stuff you like on a site sponsored format where no one should be accusing you of being spammy. To be altruistic and promote stuff by other people on a site feature where no one should be accusing you of being spammy. As a way to meet other etsians: both as a means to give a shout to and perhaps receive a response from people who make stuff that you admire, and also as a way to potentially meet all sorts of people who happen to like looking at stuff that other people like. In other words, make a treasury for the potential social interaction whether it's social networking, social marketing, or just being a people person. Because sometimes your treasury might make it to the front page: where the general public can click on the things that you like and perhaps also the link to your shop. Front page exposure for the people featured in your treasury may result in instant or future sales. And front page exposure in that you're credited for coming up with the list might lead to sales or future sales for you as well.

In essence, at its core the treasury is a tool for social networking, social marketing, and potential sales.

Now, don't get us wrong: we like the treasury. What we don't like is when people bastardize, monopolize, or just plain abuse the treasury.

So, we'd like to offer some advice with the hopes that those of you who happen to read this blog are altruistic enough to forward this information.

We see some stupid shit sometimes when we go to the treasury or when we read the forums and see people asking questions about the treasury. So, help your fellow etsians out and be honest with them.

"How do I know when the treasury is going to open?"
You don't. Yes, you can either go to page 17 and use your math skills to figure out how many down from the top constitutes 333. Or you can go to craftopolis and look at the treasury clock. Neither of these things is actually a guarantee as to when the treasury will really open.

"It's a fucking treasury clock, motherfucker, TREASURY CLOCK — why did you just tell me to go FUCKING look at a TREASURY CLOCK like it had the answer and then tell me not to believe it? What kind of a vicious asshole are you?"
We will cop to being assholes, I'm not committing to agree to the vicious part. Anyway, the reason that the clock or the time on the 333rd treasury on about page 17 aren't exactly completely accurate indicators of PRECISELY when the treasury will open is because etsy users who create treasuries have the ability to delete their own treasuries. So, if they want to make another treasury at the time around when they know the treasury is about to open, they may then delete their current about-to-expire treasury.


"So, then, what the fuck, when does it open?"
Well, look at when the thing is about to open and show up an hour before it's supposed to open.

"An HOUR? Are you out of your god damned mind? What do I have a warehouse that stores an endless supply of free time?"
Don't ever ask this question on the forums. Some sanctimonious asshole will tell you that you clearly have the wrong priorities. Yes, in all seriousness, they will tell you that if you do not possess a free hour to sit in front of your computer and wait for an opening on a feature that you, in fact, just don't have your priorities in order. Kids, scmids. Fucking kids... go, the fuck away, mommy needs to make a list of other people's crap in the vain hopes that mommy's list will make the front page so mommy can make some sales on this online marketplace with the crippled search feature... You can clean up the dog's piss later, and crochet yourself a new sofa cover to hide whatever the cat did while you were staring in vain at the computer. Job, you son of a bitch, jobs are for pussies? Sleep, motherfucker, sleep is for pussies. Crafting? Why the fuck would you take time to make your own stuff, you asshole, you're supposed to be making stuff for other people. Oh, and while your at it, go fuck yourself.
Yes, it's all about priorities.

Now, the forum assholes will tell you that supposedly there's something magical or fun about sitting in front of your computer waiting for shit to expire.
Here's a thought about these people: they're stay at home moms, or they live in a residence where someone else is taking care of the bills, amenities, etc. Because anyone who is currently employed is going to tell you that when the shift is over, there is no joy in coming home to whoville to sit down in front of a computer and waste an hour of your precious free time waiting for shit on the internet to expire. You are not crazy for thinking that the people who tell you that there is joy in waiting for shit to expire to get to use a feature are in fact retarded. That's like saying it's fun to stand in line at Christmas time at Best Buy. Only stay at home moms or people who otherwise don't have to leave the house to earn a paycheck would ever try to sell you on something so viciously false as the suggestion that metaphorically standing in line enhances the fun. It doesn't. Yes, Virginia, they are crazy retarded.

"Okay, so I sat there for a fucking hour (my cat has thoroughly humped my leg), now what?"
Did a box appear on your screen?

Then type a title in it as quickly as possible and either click on "accept" or hit return or enter depending on whether you're using a mac or a PC.

"What kind of a glutton would I have to be to have a PC? That's like having the internet through the landline."
We know, and that wasn't a question, let's try to keep this on topic. Pretty soon someone is going to come in here passing out imaginary drinks and cupcakes...

"Fine, although I could go for a cupcake... So, I typed in my title, now what?"
Now you can begin to make your treasury. Either copy and paste URLs from your favorites or some list you may have complied for yourself or use the items in your poster sketch.
We have some recommendations about the items you use for your treasury:
Make sure the listing are ACTIVE; check your treasury choices before you put them in your treasury. Seriously, no one is going to enjoy clicking on your treasury if all they get are a bunch of error pages. Also, make sure the items are NOT SOLD. We cannot stress this enough. As etsy users (and, gasp, the occasional makers of treasuries) it boggles our minds when you tell me that you have featured an item from my shop in your treasury, I click on the link, and then I start clicking on the items in your treasury and see that they literally sold like a week ago. ALWAYS USE CURRENT LISTINGS WHEN MAKING A TREASURY. Do NOT place sold or inactive items in your treasury.

Most importantly: have 16 different items from 16 DIFFERENT sellers. Yes, we know, only 12 of those items show up in the treasury that the average etsy user clicks on. Alternates are for if in general something from your treasury sells, or are necessary if you expect your treasury to ever be in the running to be promoted to the front page of etsy. We're not fucking with you. You need 12 different seller's items for the part that everyone can see, and 4 more different seller's items for the part that only you and the etsy staff can see. USE ALL 16 slots, USE 16 different items by 16 different sellers.

"It says at the bottom of the treasury that I may include one of my own items."
If you don't want your treasury to have a chance at making the front page, then sure. Yes, Virginia, it's a catch 22. If you're only making a treasury apparently just to make one and you have utterly no hope of having your treasury be on the front page, then by all means, include your own item... The fact that your shop name is credited with making the list — that is supposed to be enough. Featuring yourself in your own treasury negates your chances of making the front page. We advise against the practice.

"So, what should I put in my treasury?"
That's up to you. We really have no interest in telling you who or what you should feature. No, really, we're serious. What we do suggest is looking for things that you like with listings that are well executed. Yes, to a certain degree the pictures count. I mean, the listing really does need to have A picture, because, quite frankly, the treasury that you make, whether it's just in the treasury or makes it to the front page is essentially a collection of 12 gallery style thumbnails. Yes, there is tiny text, but really, what I'm looking at is a gallery-sized thumbnail. So, when I look at it — I need to be able to identify the item.

So, to summarize:
Use all 16 slots with different items by 16 different sellers.
Wanna be on the front page: no sold items, no inactive / error message listings, must have discernible pictures, don't put your own items in your own treasury (from you or any alternate accounts), we advise against religious pandering, nudity, and generally offensive shit. This is, after all, etsy (the place to buy and sell all things handmade), not the fetishistic ass-less chaps pantatorium (where, of course, nudity is a precursor).

"Yeah, but you assholes will still bitch about whatever I picked if it makes it to the front page... especially if I'm fond of your beloved repeats or part of the Treasury Mafia."
You're right, we will. But then, we don't expect to stop you, hinder you, or slow you down, buckaroo. If we see your name attached to a list of repeats on the front page repeatedly, will we be asshole about it? Absolutely. But you know what? We shouldn't. And it's not us, and it's not you: it's the etsy staff. Unfortunately for you or me or us: etsy does not disclose the empoyees who curate the front page. Like some assholes running some sort of vitriolic blog devoted to issues stemming from their unhappiness with the way features are being run with no transparency to the methodology — they do it anonymously. Believe me, we'd happily skip all you motherfuckers over in a heartbeat to get to the heart of the matter.

In all actuality, there is nothing wrong with your crappy treasury filled with front page repeats. Sure, we'll waste 32 seconds of our time opening it. We might click on anything that's not a repeat that by our own personal standards isn't exceptionally terrible, but really, we're not the kind of assholes who post the stupid fuck comments in your treasury. Yeah, we've read about those assholes who do that shit on the forums; we're not them.

No, the problem isn't with your crappy treasury chock full of front page repeats, the problem is 2 fold. It's the treasury system itself and it's the etsy employees choosing the front page treasuries.

Regarding the etsy employees who are curating the front page, as some asshole said: get a spreadsheet. Or fuck, spend less time fucking up the convo feature and invent yourself a program not unlike a spreadsheet where in which sellers make the front page will be tracked by date and which employee put them there will simultaneously be tracked. That way, the lone etsy employee with the actual ability to feature the depth and diversity of the talent available on your site won't be dragged down by the assholes who keep hitting me over the head with Lirola, maclancy, toybreaker, etc.

Regarding the treasury system itself: it sucks.
The previous text wherein we explained catch 22 facts assumed that nothing goes wrong when you go to make a treasury. We know this isn't the case. Not only have we read over the years scores of threads with etsians bemoaning blank or missing spots in their treasuries. But we have also read of the numerous times that someone has sat there for an hour waiting for the number to dip below 333, typed their title into the box, hit enter, and got no treasury. What the fuck is that?
Because, you know, first that person had to figure out when the treasury was going to open. Sit there with their thumb up their ass waiting for the damned thing to open. They type in their title, hit enter... and nothing. Would that really make you want to try again? Because how pissed do you think you would be? We figure you'd be really fucking pissed. You don't, as it turns out, have an imaginary warehouse with an endless supply of free time. And you just spent an hour in line to wait for what turned out to be nothing. How utterly disappointing.

There is rarely a week that goes by without one of these tales of woe. And these people aren't fucking with you. They didn't make this shit up because they were lazy or had the wrong priorities or wanted to come to the forums and whine like assholes. This shit happens every week.

So, when is etsy going to fix the treasury so that more people can participate? There's a proposal out there that would almost completely eliminate everything that we decry here. It involves opening up the treasury to everyone, essentially whenever. Because, if anyone could make a treasury, then we imagine, just about anyone actually would make a treasury. Yes, we know, even the ass-less chaps people. We don't begrudge them their regular treasury, as they are trying to sell their (presumably handmade) ass-less chaps. That's right, none of us are in the handmade ass-less chaps business, so what the fuck do we care? We just don't want to see it on the front page.

We imagine that if everyone could make a treasury that the treasury would pretty much be the same but different. It would be different in that it would be harder to find the same 40 people who ALWAYS have a treasury and a treasury west going at the same time. You know, the assholes you meet on the forums who think their treasuries don't suck shit so much that they should have 2 going at the same time all the time. Yeah, the assholes who really think their opinions matter, and they're entitled to it or some such shit because their "priorities" are in order. Those stupid fucks, the ones who keep putting the same people in their treasuries, who ALWAYS have time to wait for the treasury to open and make one, the ones who are always featured on the front page because they're in the treasury so frequently that the staff knows them by heart... yeah, we'd like them to be harder to find. We'd like to destroy their echo chamber, because we're really tired of the cacophony of the same old crap.

We'd like to be able to see all of you make 1 treasury that lasts for only 48 hours at the only treasury on etsy. And when your 1 treasury expires or you delete your own treasury then you can make another. Oddly, we have a reasonable amount of faith in all of you, because we know that you all don't like exactly the same things. You are a diverse crowd, so don't be crowded out by a small group of people who are so exclusive to one another that they can't be bothered to be honest or altruistic enough to include you.

Go forth and make treasuries, and make the kind that have a chance at being on the front page:
  • 16 different items from 16 different sellers
  • none of your own items
  • no sold or inactive listings
  • nothing offensive
  • no listings without discernible pictures

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A special shout-out to a call-out!

Okay, so we admit it, we're a little short when it comes time to add up effort for caring about certain types of rule infractions. Yeah, resellers aren't exactly our deal here at the Blacklist.

We would, however like to give a special shout out to Etsy Call Out, particularly for this entry, which, yes, we are late to the party on.

We're proud of you, etsy call out, which I imagine means absolutely nothing. But in the opposite of the spirit of JaniceCordeiro, we wanted to congratulate you on your hard work.

And because we're just a little bit dickish, we have a suggestion (which we figure will go unusued).
Don't call them the "Treasury Mafia". Call it "treasury incest". If you're going to brand bad behaviour, then don't give it a cool name (or anything with a romanticized level of villainry). Seriously, call it incest, how fucking uncool is that? Way uncool. And really, that's what it is: incest.

We recommend rebranding the treasury mafia as simply treasury incest, because it sounds so much worse.

Anyway, we enjoyed reading the post, and keep up the admirable work.

We haven't decided how to start placing bets on whether or not the purveyors of treasury incest will be making the blacklist. Part of us kind of hopes the etsy staff aren't that stupid. Experience, however, tells us otherwise.

a special case: Janice

We encourage all of you non-moron, non-assholes to go off to the forums and participate in this thread:
Tell Etsy what you consider to be FP repetition

So far, popular answers to how frequently should one seller be featured on the front page range from once per week to once every 10 days. Great practical and pragmatic responses, for the most part.

Now, of course, we do expect some dipshits to post in the thread, fortunately we didn't have to wait long for JaniceCordeiro to give her trite and meaningless opinion... it's a whopper, and yes, you will be dumber for having read it.

The front page belongs to Etsy. That should be their decision. I think the front page is obsessed over way too often. I'm getting tired of seeing people stamping their feet and saying me, me, me. We get incensed if Etsy puts something in "our" shops yet the group mentality is that the shop keepers own the front page too. That's Etsy's advertising space. Took me awhile to come to this conclusion because the group mentality becomes invasive at times.
First of all, fuck you, you moron. My god, could you possibly have anything of less value to add to the discussion? You're almost as bad as favoritism / repetition denier Tinahdee, who I gather wishes we would stop mentioning her idiotic posts here.

If etsy didn't suck balls with the front page favoritism and repetition in the first place, then none of this would currently be a topic of discussion.

However, if you did happen to be around a few days prior you might understand why Janice thinks the staff does such a fine job...

What the Heck Is
What the hell is wrong with you people. I have never seen such nonsense. The jealousy on this site is beyond disgusting.

You should be happy that someone did something very well. And was honored for that. But instead you whine like little kids. If you want to be honored for something here's a clue --- get better than they are. If you don't want to put in the work to get better, then shutup! Let the people who did something really good shine for their brief moment and congratulate them. Like a grown up!

Read your posts. If you haven't embarrassed yourself you didn't look closely enough.

Guess what! I made the front page yesterday. Picked by Etsy. You know how many people said well done? One!

I'm also going to be in the next edition of Better Homes and Gardens Holiday Magazine.

I also was requested to include some of my sculptures in a new gallery in Silver Springs, Maryland.

There, you weren't, so now you really have something to complain about.

To the people who won the latest honors I say VERY WELL DONE AND CONGRATULATIONS!

To the childish complainers I say GROW THE HELL UP!

Yeah, thanks to the fact that we have been rightfully and relentlessly critiquing the front page favoritism and repetition, etsy has gone out of their way to do a sub-standard job of pretending to feature more people, while still relentlessly featuring the SAME people. As you can read, JaniceCordeiro is one of the people who has benefited from our efforts.
(fortunately, we appreciate irony)

And yes, you did read that correctly, JaniceCordeiro had no one tell her what a great person she was for making FP or whatever she claimed to have accomplished, so she started a snide thread to let all you people know how ungrateful you bastards are for not falling at her feet when she entered the room... that, and apparently she was incapable of understanding the sarcasm of another forum thread which was really why she went on this tirade to begin with.

So, hey, if douchebags like JaniceCordeiro can make the front page, of course they don't want a level playing field, and yes, apparently Virginia, you are expected to pepper her with praise.

Fucking moron.

Okay, I had to edit this post to point out a few things (at the behest of the council):
JaniceCordeiro is apparently no friend of grammar and punctuation.
First up "---" this is not an actual symbol of punctuation. It is a short dash "-" for a thought that will be interrupted but then completed, e.g.
JaniceCordeiro is a moron of the highest degree - not that that's an honor - just stating a fact.
OR it's "--" or "—" (the long dash, for a thought that will be interrupted but not completed).
Learn your dashes, motherfucker.

"get better than they are"
God, my head hurts. You don't end a sentence with a preposition. I guess it's hard to get better than they are when you can't formulate the sentence correctly.

"If you haven't embarrassed yourself you didn't look closely enough."
It is called an "If / Then" clause, you dipshit. "If" being followed by "Then", which comes after the comma.

"Let the people who did something really good shine for their brief moment and congratulate them." You mean the people who did something really well? And how about a comma? Are you familiar with that form of punctuation?

"Like a grown up!"
This is a sentence fragment. It's not artsy.

Fucking learn to form sentences, you moron.

*this concludes this brief session from the language police*

Friday, February 12, 2010

front page repeats

Yeah, sometimes we take a day off. We're human, although I'm sure there are a few of you who think we're scary assholes or something equally heartless and android-like. And then there are you stupid assholes who think that we're bitter and probably terrible crafters who take bad photos of our crappy products... and we're litterbugs and hooligans or whatever.

Actually, we're gamblers.
We played some front page bingo, and we placed our bets. Much to the chagrin of everyone, I nailed it! Whooooooooo! Boo-yeah! That's right Lirola made the front page on Wednesday, not once but TWICE! Who called it? Oh yeah, that's right, me!

So, we did the only appropriate thing we could do: we went out to a bar and got hammered to celebrate the fact that I totally called it.

It was the only thing we could do, clearly.

Front page treasury repeats on Wednesday:
humblebea (perennial repeat, this week, last week, etc)
Lirola (TWICE on Wednesday, every other week before that X infinity)
olaladesign (regular repeat, repeat curator)
maclancy (regular repeat, TWICE on Wednesday, + last week, the week before last)
rafya (regular repeat, regular curator; she was on FP on Tuesday, TWICE on Wednesday)
seapinks (regular repeat, repeat curator)
yoola (regular repeat)

Front page treasury repeats on Thursday:
humblebea (perennial repeat, this week, last week, etc)
iktomi (regular repeat, this week + last week)
IslaNewYork (regular repeat)
Lirola (TWICE on Wednesday, every other week before that X infinity)
maclancy (regular repeat, today, TWICE yesterday, + last week, the week before last)
rafya (regular repeat, regular curator; she was on FP on Tuesday, TWICE on Wednesday)
terminy (regular repeat)
yoola (regular repeat)

On a general note: where goes Lirola, generally one finds galit, rafya, and terminy.
Would someone on the etsy staff like to specifically explain to the rest of us peons why it is that the ISRAEL ARTISTS TEAM gets so much face time on the front page so frequently? Because it certainly doesn't escape the average viewer that not only does Lirola appear there on a weekly basis, but usually always with galit, rafya, and terminy... Why the favoritism of the ISRAEL ARTISTS TEAM?

It's not like we see POE (photographers of etsy) on the front page every day, or Quiltsy, or the Dachshund Team, or Trashion... okay, so I'm just guessing that maybe one of these teams makes regular treasuries. But seriously, why the preferential treatment of the Israel Artists Team?

And really, etsy, you just can't go ONE fucking day without featuring maclancy? Because, really, you're making my photoshop cry. There's a reason it's crying, and from what I can gather it's sputtering something about bad editing. How many fucking etsians are there who make prints or cards of images they have created with photoshop? How many fucking etsians are there who make prints or cards of images they have created with photoshop that they are actually licensed to use? Really, maclancy is inevitable? Unavoidable? Like inclement weather? Or bad photoshoping?

Your treasury rules still state that you may promote whole or partial lists to the front page.
How about showing me a whole hell of a lot less maclancy? We can't start placing meaningful bets on it until it disappears for a few days.

Ask yourselves: why can etsy do so very much for maclancy in regards to the free front page exposure at the behest of employees who are paid through your listing fees, but what have they done for you lately?

There are more than 40 sellers on etsy. Do Not Patronize front page repeats. Don't buy from them. Don't put them in your treasuries. Don't enable the unprofessional etsy employees to continue to put them on the front page with your shop name credited as responsible. Favoritism is an unfair business practice. Do Not Patronize front page favorites.

perennial etsy fuck up, favoritism, repeats and other unsavory behavior that erodes the trust of your member community.
"etsy suck" on every level of social commerce.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

front page repeats, again

Oh etsy staff, you're such a heap of disappointment.
If this was a drinking game, I would still be hammered from yesterday, the day before, and every preceding day. At some point I would probably need to check into a rehab facility.

Tuesday's front page repeats:
DearDodo (regular repeat, featured twice in the span on 1 day)
krize (regular repeat, TWICE this week + last week)
munieca (regular repeat, this week + at least TWICE last week , the week before last X infinity)
rafya (regular repeat, regular curator)
xenotees (regular repeat, TWICE this week + TWICE last week, the week before last)
xenotees was featured on the front page on Sunday and Tuesday.

It was also apparently somehow impossible to not feature irenesochocki on the front page twice in the span of a day.
As it was also apparently somehow impossible to not feature sjengraving on the front page twice in the span of a day.

You know, in spite of the fact that etsy's own policies dictate that they may promote "whole or partial lists to the homepage".

perennial etsy fuck up, favoritism, repeats and other unsavory behavior that erodes the trust of your member community.
"etsy suck" on every level of social commerce.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A word about Treasuries, repetition, and curators

From the editorial desk in response to emilybidwell

If you make claims about faults in the member curated treasuries, then as an employee you should seek out means by which to correct those faults.

If etsy has a policy about not promoting treasuries to the front page that lack alternates, then it should be stated at the bottom of the treasury with the rest of the rules.

If etsy has a policy about not promoting treasuries to the front page that contain items from the curator, then it should be stated at the bottom of the treasury with the rest of the rules.

Why isn't it?
If etsy is misleading its users about a feature, then the fault lies with etsy. Only a total coward with no integrity whatsoever would place the fault on it's users.

So, while this here is a strictly volunteer endeavor, I am fortunate to have a savant at my disposal.
Having read the comments that emilybidwell left in the thread -- I sent The Savant to the treasury. The Savant is the one who generally supplies The List. Yes, I'm capitalizing these things to be An Asshole. It just sounds more official that way, anyway The Savant approves, just like Mikey.

So, The Savant went to the Main Treasury. Mind you, The Savant is a generic run-of-the-mill etsy user. So, The Savant has no admin powers, and therefore cannot see your alternates. But well, fuck it, because The Savant is a savant. You know, one of those phonebook reading "Rain Man" types.

The Savant took some statistics based on the groupings:

category 1: no repeats / no curator featured in the treasury
category 2: front page repeats
category 3: curator featured in treasury

There is no bleed between the numbers compiled in The Savant's assessment. Curators who featured themselves in their own treasuries were treated as their own grouping which negated any qualities of repeats or lack of repeats.

Total number of treasuries sampled: 293 in 1 sitting of the Main Treasury.
category 1 - there's nothing wrong with this treasury: 200 treasuries
category 2 - front page repeats: 51 treasuries
category 3 - curator featured in treasury: 42 treasuries

The Savant looked at 293 treasuries; 200 of which contained no front page repeats or curators featuring themselves. Of those 200 only 4 were blatantly Christian-only, 1 was Jewish. There were no Hispanic, Arabic, Indian, or Asian themed treasuries in the Savant's sample. There were no treasuries involving nudity or Nazism or racism.

So, if you disqualify the 5 religious pandering treasuries from the mix, then 195 out of a sample of 293 is 66.55% of treasuries that ought to be usable with no repeats or crossover or curators featuring themselves. And those were just samples from the Main Treasury.

If there are currently 195 treasuries with no repeats, why then, are there all the repeats? This doesn't square.
It doesn't square more when you consider that 12 front page treasuries per day are specifically selected by the staff. If the etsy staff who are paid via the listing fees of the etsy users have the time to "browse through etsy's categories" to find things, then you should easily be able to come up with 1 to 4 items to use as alternates in the instance that a member-curated treasury does not contain them.

What is the justification for having the ability to select items for etsy curated front page treasuries while not possessing the same ability to add potential alternates to member curated treasuries that don't have alternates? You have the unbelievable ability to compile your own treasuries, but you are suddenly incapable of finding 1 to 4 extraneous items to potentially add to someone else's list? Really? That seems contradictory and mendacious.

The only way that it's believable that etsy employees are incompetent when it comes to generating fresh alternates is if the "search" function is completely useless or your employees are in fact all comatose.

And moreover, the curator featured treasuries: why don't you just use your own policy about promoting a whole or partial list to the homepage? Again, etsy is capable of cobbling together approximately 12 front page treasuries per day, has a policy about promoting whole or partial lists to the front page, and yet will not take a few minutes to edit a treasury simply because the curator put one of their own items in it? How fucking lazy are you motherfuckers? That has got to be the most incompetent pool of humanity on the planet. A cat running across a keyboard could generate alternates and replacements, and probably without repeats.

Now, because The Savant sat there and stared at the computer for 2 hours reading, observing, tabulating, and otherwise being savant-like, The Savant wrote down some treasuries of note.
It does actually feel kind of wrong to feature these people here, but, what the hell, if it keeps my emotionally dead quasi-autistic number cruncher happy...
and The Savant recommends this replacement after 1 minute of searching

front page repeats...

Etsy staff are completely incompetent and shameless.

Now, these are some of the repeats from SUNDAY
Sunday saw these front page repeats...
allencompanyinc (regular repeat, this week + TWICE last week, the week before last)
AwakenJournaling (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
humblebea (perennial repeat, this week, last week, etc)
NanLawson (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
quotesandnotes (this week + multiple times last week)
RUBYrecycled (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
slinkymalinkicat (perennial repeat, this week + multiple times last week, and the week before last)
xenotees (regular repeat, this week + TWICE last week, the week before last)

So, surprise surprise, who are the MONDAY repeats?
AwakenJournaling (regular repeat, this week Sunday + Monday, + last week, the week before last)
humblebea (perennial repeat, this week Sunday + Monday, + last week, etc)
maclancy (regular repeat, this week + TWICE last week, week before last)
marysgranddaughter (regular repeat)
NanLawson (regular repeat, this week + last week, week before last)
olaladesign (regular repeat, repeat curator, this week + last week, week before last)
StudioZen (this week + last week)

So, emilybidwell, what was that you stated?
As a rule of thumb, we do not alter member's Treasuries. We are currently using nearly all the Treasuries that are offered, but cannot force people to select different items for their collections. Since there is no way for community curators to cross reference eachtother's items, the more community Treasuries we use, the more repeats we should expect to see.
Not only is that statement completely false.
While humblebea in a 11 treasuries:
That still leaves a minimum of 544 treasuries to pick from.
When you featured a treasury with XX on SUNDAY, you're then going to justify featuring XX on the front page on MONDAY and blame the repetition on the curators of treasuries? How is that?

The most plausible extremely half-ass excuse for curators being blamed for repetition by etsy staff is in a scenario where etsy staff have endorsed favorites. If you put people they like in your treasury, then you might make it to the front page. As it turns out, it's the way etsy staff have been operating the front page treasury curation for the past year. Etsy staff have entrenched the favoritism and have fostered an environment with has encouraged the repetition.

What kind of paid employee of a company blames its members for its own faults? A coward.
Only one Treasury list per person. Do not create lists with multiple accounts at the same time.

Treasury is not intended for personal promotion. Please do not include more than one of your own items.

Etsy may, at times, promote whole or partial selections from a Treasury list to the home page.

This list will expire two days after creation. Bonus time (up to 24 hours) may be randomly added to the lifetime of your list.

Etsy reserves the right to remove Treasury lists at any time.

So, if etsy may promote whole or partial selections, why then are they A. incapable of removing repeats, and B. incapable of replacing them with items not by other repeats?

Presumably, the listing fees generated by your users are generating your salaries. You know, etsy isn't staffed by volunteers. So if the paid employees are "browsing through etsy's categories" as they so often claim with the front page treasuries curated by etsy staff, then why are those treasuries always riddled with repeats? Why can't etsy staff find new things? How fucking broken is the search feature? Is there something wrong with etsy's computer equipment? Is your internet connection fucked up? Do you need to call tech support? Are you blind? And if you are, then are the universal access features on your computers broken?

What's the next excuse? Because apparently the current one is that you can't be bothered to use your own provision to "promote whole or partial selections from a Treasury list to the home page."
If you can't follow or practice your own provisions, then what can you do?
Perhaps etsy should have some staff turnover and employ some people who are competent.

Perennial etsy fuck up, favoritism, repeats and other unsavory behavior that erodes the trust of your member community.
"etsy suck" on every level of social commerce.

Monday, February 8, 2010

front page repeats, still...

You know, I wrote some long ass editorial on Saturday, but it's not like I stopped paying attention or something...

Saturday saw these front page repeats...
GollyBard (perennial repeat, more than TWICE this week)
krize (regular repeat, TWICE this week + last week)
thrush (perennial repeat)
toybreaker (perennial repeat, TWICE this week)

Sunday saw these front page repeats...
allencompanyinc (regular repeat, this week + TWICE last week, the week before last)
AwakenJournaling (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
humblebea (perennial repeat, this week, last week, etc)
NanLawson (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
quotesandnotes (this week + multiple times last week)
RUBYrecycled (regular repeat, this week + last week, the week before last)
slinkymalinkicat (perennial repeat, this week + multiple times last week, and the week before last)
xenotees (regular repeat, this week + TWICE last week, the week before last)

Now at the bottom of etsy's front page is the "New Storque Articles & Related Items" box, you know the thing with the scroll screen...
So, there's this article:
Etsy Finds: Revenge of the Nerds
And what is featured in the graphic for the article? Why the foliage handsoap set, of course.
So, guess what's already on the front page (if you guessed hand shaped soap by foliage, give yourself a silver star!)? Why it's a treasury titled "browsing through etsy's categories", which of course, was selected by etsy staff -- you know the people who are paid through your listing fees. Hey, guess which item was found by etsy staff while supposedly "browsing through the categories"!!!!
(rolls eyes)
if you guessed: foliage handsoap set
then give yourself a gold star.

What are the chances that an item that is A. already on the front page, and B. has already appeared so god damned many times on the front page, in Storque articles, the etsy finds email, and too many times in the gift guides to possibly count — anyway, what are the chances that some paid etsy employee was actually spending company time looking through the etsy listings in the categories and found that one? What are the chances? Zero.

Stop fucking calling it browsing through etsy's categories. Call it shit that I found a year and a half ago while I happened to accidently be forced to browse a category, which I have then featured in every possible location on this site I could jam it into because it's one of my personal favorites.

Showing us the very same shit by the very same people who have been featured there previously that week, the week before that, and every preceding week is fucking insulting, it's a demonstration of contempt, and it's lazy.
I'd like to end with "etsy fail", but well, I think the employees are too dense and self righteous to get it... so we'll go with:
perennial etsy fuck up, favoritism, repeats and other unsavory behavior that erodes the trust of your member community.
"etsy suck" on every level of social commerce.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

etsy, it's not me, it's you

This has got to be the stupidest thing I have read in this entire thread. I am simply gobsmacked by the total and complete stupidity of LucyBlaireCreations. I am so stupefied by this shit that I had to share it, well, that and I am now dumber for having read it, so I think the rest of you should share in my shame and horror.

LucyBlaireCreations says
First off I love Gift Guides and I'm SUPER pissed they're gone.

That being said, lets start out by saying, life isn't fair and that uphill battle should be what motivates you, not makes you quit and ask for the unfair thing to be completely removed because every single one of us can't be involved. Trust me, I get frustrated all the time seeing the same sellers on the FP and GG's and the Storque but it makes me work harder! Photographing and rephotographing, working on my descriptions, etc etc.... learn to live with disappointment people and maybe tell yourself perhaps I'm not there because my stuff isn't good enough. If you don't believe that about yourself than maybe its because you aren't "out there" enough, how can Etsy put you in something if they don't know you exist?

There is ALWAYS something to improve upon. You can say its Etsy's fault if you want, and hey, it pretty much is, but thats a battle you can't win, but if you tell yourself its you and if only YOU could be better, then theres hope.

I'm sorry, but there is A LOT of crap here on Etsy and as a seller with MILLIONS of things to do I don't have to time to "shop" through the crap. I start in Gift Guides, get an idea, and then go search for the more specific thing. I don't know how thats not useful. I have a feeling there will be a buyer backlash on this.
Now that you've read that, I would actually suggest that you log into your etsy account and report LucyBlaireCreations' post. She just insulted you: "there is A LOT of crap here on Etsy". People have been muted for less, so the more of you who report the post - the better.

Can you believe this asshole? Seriously? This fucktard just told you guys that you suck, your products suck, it's your fault, and the quicker you blame yourself... then, well, you're still never going to be featured... so, uh, yeah, learn to live with disappointment.

Holy shit, what a moron, and what an asshole.

Newsflash, LucyBlaireCreations, quitters never win, and winners never quit. But, apparently you're a quitter, and a lazy one at that. I am also assuming that you quit that whole "spelling, grammar, and punctuation thing" in the fourth grade too. Because, my god, what the fuck was that abomination of words thrown together without the use of punctuation or apostrophes? My spell check / grammar check is about to have a seizure.

Double negative time here, but there isn't nothing that we Etsians can not do about problems with the staff; doing nothing is what gets nothing done. Doing unnecessary shit like fixing things that aren't actually broke (your listings) is actually a waste of time.

It's assholes like LucyBlaireCreations that give all the forum assholes a bad name.

If you are one of the many etsians who was never in a gift guide and hasn't seen the front page in ages (and by ages I don't mean since last week... 7 days is not an eternity), it is not, in fact, because you suck, or your products suck. It's because the etsy employees continue to feature their favorites / the same sellers over and over in all those free promotional spots because the etsy employees are careless and lazy. It's not you, it's etsy. Let the blame lie with the real culprit: etsy. Go ahead, actualize it.

The gift guides, at their peak, and well, always, were a beacon of etsy favorites. CardboardSafari was once featured in 8 gift guides simultaneously. Toybreaker was regularly in 7 gift guides simultaneously. Lirola was usually in 6 simultaneously. It's not because these people make great stuff. It's because etsy staff are lazy, shallow, and incompetent and with the protection of "no calling out" in place couldn't possibly be held accountable for actually being altruistic about the free promotional spots on the site. If no one is allowed to say anything, then who can voice dissent?
No one.
So, you know what, start fucking talking. And I don't mean TOU violating or blanketly insulting your fellow etsians like LucyBlaireCreations did by suggesting that there is "A LOT" of "crap". I mean cleverly omitting the names, and just state the facts.
Everything that PetitPoulailler stated on the next page was dead on correct, and also lacked any form of TOU violations.
It is annoying to have to take the high road when dealing with the employees of a company who have acted in such an unprofessional, immature, incompetent, and childish fashion unchecked for way too fucking long, but it's the way to get things done.

Don't let these stupid fucks tell you it's you and 'learn to live with disappointment.' Don't get pissed at them and lose your forum privileges. Take the high ground, rebut them like some technical thesis paper, and when they blanketly insult: report their posts. But don't get all reactionary, unless, of course, you're doing it from the comfort of your blog.

Demonstrate to etsy that trust is a thing that they have lost, and that it is the hardest thing to regain. I don't trust their employees, and neither should you. Let your lost trust be known. Because they let you down. It's them, it's not you. You quit, they win. Never quit pointing out that they continue to let you down with their incompetence, their petulance, and their continual favoritism.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

A special case from the editorial desk about repeats

This blog is not supposed to make people happy. I think you all know that. At least, I hope you all know that. The purpose of this blog is to make people angry or at the very least make them very uncomfortable.

I stated my mission statement in the first entry of this blog, if you need a refresher, then seek it out.

Regarding front page favoritism:
Naming names is a necessary tactic. It is imperative. It isn't supposed to feel good.

Etsy has a policy of not naming names. Except, in etsy's own childish and immature fashion their policy refers to "calling out." What a stupid phrase. It's naming names.

As an etsy member you are not allowed to publicly on etsy specifically refer to anything when there is a problem. If you do, then you are in violation of their terms of use.

If you email a problem or concern to etsy, you get an immediate form letter, and days or weeks later you may get a short, generally non-helpful response from a staff member.

You can't actually get in touch with anyone in a reasonable amount of time, and when you do, the communication is generally useless. That is not good social commerce. Societies communicate. The good ones communicate effectively.

So, this blog names names. This blog also suggests that you should not patronize those who are named. Why? Because activism is necessary. Otherwise, some forum assholes would just try to misdirect and pretend like this was free advertising. This is advertising, just not the good kind.

You should all be angry, or, at the very least, very uncomfortable with the fact that etsy has a front page treasury that is curated by paid staff members that continues to feature the same sellers repeatedly with no explanation, accountability, or transparency. If those were paid spots, like their showcases, then there would be nothing to gripe about (unless, of course, the ability to purchase such paid spots was somehow limited to the same small group of people). The front page treasury is not a paid spot. Essentially, it is free advertising.

Now, some goonie moron is going to throw up some half assed tripe about "front page doesn't equal instantaneous sales." First off, fuck you -- you moron. Seriously, you're an asswipe. Don't you have better things to do with your time, you idiot motherfucker, than to not understand anything about sales or marketing and have the gall and stupidity to put forth something so absolutely mentally void as a counter opinion. Really, dipshit? C'mon. That is the dumbest fucking canned response on earth, emphasis on dumb. The room is all stupider from having heard your moron ass give that for the millionth time. Shut the fuck up.

Answer: being featured on the front page treasury is exposure. Exposure is very important in every business. Every time I drive through a new city, and go down main street, do I see the shops (we'll assume I'm not speeding or blind)? Yes. Do I stop my car immediately and go in? Maybe, maybe not. But I've seen them, and unless I have some sort of memory problem, then chances are, I will remember them, and if I have a need in the future, since I know where they are, then I will probably patronize their businesses instead of lugging out the phone book and trying to figure out what glossary term I am actually trying to look under.

Exposure is important in business. Is is everything? No.
So, if the front page treasury is theoretically free to all users with reasonably non-offensive products who are presumably within the bounds of acceptable items in terms of etsy's handmade, supply, and vintage categories, then why do we see the same people getting featured there with regularity?

There are 2 simple answers, and actually, one of them is a gateway to the other: laziness and favoritism.

Laziness, by the way, is the gateway to favoritism.

Why should I see slinkymalinkicat on the front page every week? Could that possibly be the only person with an endless supply of "vintage" prints? I could name 3 sellers off the top of my head who sell similar items. And yet I don't see them on the front page every week.

Why should I see prints by GollyBard on the front page multiple times in a week? Is GollyBard the only person selling prints of badly drawn illustrations? No, there are tons of people on etsy selling badly drawn illustrations. Just like there are tons of people on etsy selling prints of big-eyed girls.

Why should I know by heart that those baby-doll hand shaped molded soaps are by foliage every time I see them? Because I've seen them that many god damned times. One of these days I'm actually going to order some just to see if they have their original molded copyrights on them just so that I can contact the company from which those are molded to ascertain whether or not that's legal. Fortunately, I'm lazy and I don't like buying crap that I find distasteful.

But I see the same things on the front page by the same sellers because of incompetency on the part of the etsy staff which stems from laziness and favoritism. I'm tired of seeing the same 40 people get all the exposure, and the rest of you should be tired of it as well... especially if you see etsy as a venue for full time employment. A responsible social commerce site would have a level playing field for all of its selling members with items within the bounds of its categories that are not mis-representational or offensive. Yeah, I'm saying no nazi crap on the front page, and really, I don't want to see gay-hating crazy christian jesus freak shit there either, or your genitals (whichever they may be). And, yes, your listing needs to have a picture. So, what, that leaves 80% of the 3 million items on the site up for consideration.
2.4 million items could not possibly all be by the same 40 shops that I have seen constantly for the past eternity. Lirola could not possibly currently have 60,000 ruffle shirts in stock... unless, of course, she's a factory, which she isn't.

So, Lirola doesn't have a current standing inventory of 60,000 items, and yet, not a week goes by without her shop specifically making the front page? Why is that? I know people who haven't made the front page in over a year, let alone the last 6 months. Why is Lirola on the front page on a weekly basis? Why is GollyBard on the front page on a weekly basis while being featured multiple times in a week and also appearing in a current Storque article. Are the spots in Storque articles paid advertising? No. So, why do the same people get the same free opportunities for exposure over and over again?

Well, some idiot fuck asshole will try to feed you some tripe about "photo quality" or "quality products" or "photo quality" or "photo quality." Yes, I said it 3 times just to demonstrate what an asshole someone sounds like when they say that shit about photos. You moron motherfuckers are really willing to passively insult your fellow etsians with this "photo quality" bullshit? What an unbelievable bunch of cunts you are.

Some of the most successful sellers on etsy have some of the crappiest photos. There's someone who sells an awful lot of soap that comes to mind. Beyond that, most people's photos don't actually suck. That's like telling someone who buys a medium cardigan from the misses department of an average clothing store that they're fat. You're fat when you're buying the one with the label that says 3X, not the one that says M. If some moron motherfucker blanketly says the reason you never make front page is probably your photos, then know that they have just insulted you, remember them, and let's say: don't buy from them.

Speak with your dollar.
Speak with your dollar because you're not allowed to speak freely with your mouth. You're not allowed to pop onto the forums and wonder why artmind is featured on the front page treasury on average of 3 times per week, every week... when so many people haven't had that level of exposure ever or in the past 6 months. So, speak with you dollar, and don't buy what their paid staff, who earn their salaries from your listing fees, are specifically using company time to promote: the same 40 sellers with regularity while leaving the vast majority of their sellers with no free exposure or promotion.

Every time you pay to list, you are paying for the operation of the website. When the website's employees can do so much to promote 40 specific people with regularity — if you are not one of them, what are you really paying for? Why don't your listing and selling fees go into time and energy exerted by the staff to freely and indiscriminately promote your work?

Etsy needs to answer for that.

Now, there are the whiners and bitchers and complainers and bellyachers who will tell you that the 40 people who get the constant front page exposure that your listing and selling fees pay for the salaries of the company employees who promote them are not to be named, blamed, or take any level of responsibility or negative publicity for being favorites.
What an utter line of bullshit, eclipse.
If you're "in it to win it" as some recent forum thread suggested (e.g. you are listing here to make money) then you ought to be paying attention to all aspects of your business. From you materials and craftsmanship, to the accuracy of all parts of your listing, to your packing and shipping, and all other business expenses and necessities. The ones who are paying attention know how much materials cost, the cost of labor, shipping, packing, and possibly advertising... and that just popping onto a site like etsy and simply listing stuff with no extra effort probably isn't going to get you a whole hell of a lot.
There are plenty of people who do that: take care in making the item, the listing, shipping it... every thing but promoting the product... and generally, their stuff just sits there. Mostly because etsy's searching system is almost completely useless.

So, if your shop seems extra busy and you know you spent no money on advertising, aren't part of a team, group, faceboook fuckery, twitter nonsense, etc. Then, as a "business person" it is your responsibility to figure out where your exposure came from. You know, it's what Google Analytics is for. Pop into your account every now and then and you'll be able to find if you were featured on the ultra popular some crazy fuck's blog, or craftgawker, or art wall, or whatever the hell. How fucking arrogant it is it to just assume that you're spectacular? If you can't be bothered to figure out how your shop is getting exposure, then I really doubt you're reading the forums, random blogs, or whatever other source of information would require a nominal amount of effort to ascertain.
If you are, and you're bothered about the way you've been treated, then consider contacting someone who is not me, like say the etsy employees who are being paid to do your promotion for you while not promoting a damned thing for the vast majority of the site users whose fees are generating their salaries. Drop them a line that says "I'm grateful and all, really... but uhmn, maybe cool it a little, the natives are starting to get restless and I think someone just threw a stone at my window."

Etsy's paid staff and what the items they place in the front page treasury, the storque articles, and wherever else on the site there is room for non-paid spots are acting as the invisible hand of the market by specifically choosing what gets into those spots. Why not make them accountable for only promoting the same 40 people repeatedly? Oh, wait, because we're not allowed to say anything.

So, you know what, if we can't say anything, then the responsibility in an atmosphere of social commerce does fall on the heads of the people who are getting all the exposure: the front page repeats.

Don't want to be on this blog? The act on behalf of your own best interests and the interests of the rest of your social commerce etsians — start privately holding the staff accountable.
You see the repeats and the favoritism, then contact a valid staff member every time and point it out.
Look at which staff member wrote the article and specifically contact them with your concerns about having seen the same items featured repeatedly. Ask why, specifically request an accurate explanation. Be polite, don't get yourself kicked off the site, but be firm and criticize the repeats and the favoritism, and specifically name the shops you have seen repeatedly.

These etsy employees get paid because you sell and pay fees. Have them work for you.

Better yet, start a movement to specifically identify the etsy staff members who curate the front pages. Transparency is like light to mold. Once you know who they are, then you can ask them directly.