Wednesday, February 17, 2010

herding cats... PART 2

You see, we read the etsy forums. We do. And we tend to notice things. Sometimes it's deader than shit in there... and sometimes you're all posting the same damned things over and over. Now, unlike some people, we don't get all pissy about the 8 millionth person who has posted the same fucking question that has been posted a million times already. It is actually not that easy to search forum topics.

Now, what we had noticed, besides the front page repeats, was that there was something that had been missing from the forums... And the thing that was missing is the sort of thing that connects directly with front page repeats. What was missing were those goofy dumb threads where someone we've never seen post a god damned thing before comes on to the forums screaming with CAPITALS and exclamation points!!! in site help (where it actually doesn't belong) about how happy they are to make the front page.

No shit, motherfuckers.
What, did you jealous, no-FP-feature, heartless bastards hate those people?
(yes, that was sarcasm)
Sure, they're dopey, sappy, saccharine... but those are the kind of posts of utter happiness that make the place seem like it isn't filled with a bunch of self centered douchebags.

I don't see maclancy popping onto the forums everyday to thank the fuck out of etsy for the daily front page treasury features. Likewise, I don't see any of those threads by Seapinks, or thrush, or duende74, or slinkymalinkicat, or krize, or allencompanyinc. Now why is that? Is it because they're ungrateful bastards, they "know better", they expect front page features, they don't fucking care? It's happened so often that it is no longer in any way shape or form special to them? Apathy? Greed? Gluttony?

You know, the people that never get the front page treasury feature are all happy to be all greatful and teary-eyed and red in the face about it because they're just so tickled that someone finally came and looked at their shit. But the fuckers that the etsy staff works so hard off the dime of your listing and selling fees to constantly promote can't be bothered to show up with public displays of gratitude.

Amusing, no?

Probably about as humorous as herding cats. Oh, google the phrase, for fuck's sake.
Now, it has been pointed out by the council that we failed to properly harp on something to the necessary extent in the intial "herding cats" post.
Sold items in treasuries: don't do it.
Now, when I say: "you sent me a convo with the link to your treasury that you featured my item in, and I go there and click on shit and it comes up as sold" — I'm not referring to things that were sold yesterday, or that day. When I'm talking about don't put sold shit in your fucking treasury, I'm talking about things that seem to have been sold for days, a week, multiple weeks...

So, the problem solver says:
The curator is careless.
The curator is an idiot.
The curator didn't click on the items they copied from their list, favorites, or poster sketch.
The curator did click on the items they copied from their list, favorites, or poster sketch, but they left the sold items in there because...
The curator is careless.
The curator is an idiot.

OR... there are long since sold items in the curator's treasury because they copied the items out of their favorites, their list, or their poster sketch which they made a long damned time ago, but because it's so fucking hard to get a treasury that it's been sitting around on their desktop or in their cache forever, and they didn't even realize it.

So, is it that you guys are a bunch of dumbasses who won't click on the items that you put in your own treasuries to bother to see if they're available for sale? OR is it because it's actually so much harder to get to actually make a treasury than the forum assholes insist that it isn't (you know, if your priorities are in order)?

Likely, it's a smidge of the former and a whole hell of a lot of the latter. We're talking 10% curator is a dipshit who didn't click on their own picks, and 90% the curator complied the items for the list and then had to wait for weeks for the treasury to open at a time that was convenient for them.

What a broken fucking system.

For instance, right now Galit has two treasuries going with Lirola, MyMoms, and rafya in them:
Really? Because riorita has two treasuries with gaialai... one of which features Lirola and MyMoms, the other with galit, rafya, and TeaPartyHats (who is in one of the Galit treasuries).
Now, gaialai has a treasury which also features MyMoms, duende74, and rolyzcreations, where rafya is an alternate...

You know, because it's really important to always have 2 treasuries all the fucking time that feature exactly the same fucking group of people... while the rest of the peons on etsy with the wrong priorities can't snag a single fucking treasury. And when they finally do, it's weeks after they actually made the list, and they're so unfamiliar with the system that they don't know to click on their own treasury picks (like all the regulars do) to make sure that they're current, because, likely, some sanctimonious lying sack of shit forum asshole has told them that clicking on their own treasury picks is cheating or some such bullshit because it increases your number of clicks, and my god, you're a horrible person... why the fuck do you think anyone wants to look at your favorites? Man, it's probably inferior crap with shitty photos. You should go back to your craft room and hang yourself with some of that cheap tacky fucking silk garland flowers that we know you own, you low class peon. Leave the treasury making to the stay at home moms, and people with working spouses who have connected themselves to one another exclusively who are entitled to show everyone their favorites constantly because, fuck, those lazy and careless dipshits on etsy staff are willing to call them "tastemakers."

Here's a clue, Pat, they're not tastemakers. They're people who have the free time on their hands to manipulate the system to their benefit because the system is being run by a bunch of fucking idiots.

According to MaryMary, the etsy staff cannot figure out what constitutes a repeat.
A front page repeat is a seller who repeatedly appears on the front page treasury. How fucking hard was that?

Now apparently, the etsy staff have no ability to know who has been featured on the front page.
Now, you can choose to believe that. It reads as being pretty unbelievable. It reads as exceptionally unbelievable in light of the fact that the etsy staff have told us that to make the front page you need to have:
an exceptional product
exceptional photos

So, how does etsy staff see exceptional product with exceptional photos and somehow not have the ability to process or remember the username of the person who makes such exceptional shit? Does etsy only hire people with short term memory problems, or are all of you illiterate? Because, if I go to a retail site and see exceptional shit, I'm bound to either simply remember it or bother to take the time to jot the fucking info down (yes, literally by hand).

How am I supposed to believe that your staff actually spots exceptional stuff but cannot see that they keep featuring the same stuff by the same people. How am I supposed to believe that you are so perceptive when you act so imperceptive? How does one have such selective vision?

Unless, of course, this shit about "exceptional product and photos" is actually one big exceptional sham, which, pretty much is what it has to be at this point... and as it turns out, we take exception to exceptional shams, and in general, shit that doesn't work for everyone when you keep trying to feed us this bullshit about how we are such a community.

This line you troll out about "exceptional photos and products" is just empty misdirection. It means nothing. The only means that having the forums act like some retarded echo-chamber of this nonsense about "photo quality" is to send your non-featured, non-repeat, non-favorite members into a tailspin of false self doubt. It's one big it's not etsy, it's you; and that's bullshit. It's a broken system that a bunch of lazy motherfuckers won't fix.

There's likely nothing wrong with your photos, because really, this is a shitty photo
Yeah, it is. First off, the model is looking directly at the camera. That's actually a clothing seller's merchandising photo no-no. The dress is so much in the shadows that it blends right in with the dresser behind the photo. And the photo is actually blurry, which means that the trajectory of the shot vs. the setting on which it was shot were not in sync.

Your staff doesn't know shit about photo quality. There's nothing in any of their profiles that suggest they know jack shit about anything about the professional aspects of retail. So, seeing this same nonsense from them all the time is just insulting.

If you can't see how many times you feature the same people on the front page, how do expect me to believe that you can determine what is an exceptional photo? I need an explanation for your qualifications as it pertains to your inability to compile basic statistical information about your choices.

I don't have that, because you have failed to supply it, because being honest about how dishonest and biased you are isn't really something you want to admit.

That, and your system is broken, because everyone can't make a treasury, and because the same people always still have multiple treasuries. Until the whole thing stops acting like the echo chamber of exclusivity based solely on who has nothing better to do than sit on their ass for endless hours waiting for shit on the internet to expire, then etsy will never realize it's potential to truly act as THE place to buy and sell all things handmade.

You have the diversity of the world at your fingertips, but you're too lazy and childish to embrace it.

Utter etsy fail.